Posted @ 12:22Headlines 2014 II

For information on the source of these stories see "Headlnes 2014 I", my post earlier in the year.

It's the way of the world...

Statue of "Great Humanitarian" Unveiled

There were scenes of jubilation in Trafalgar Square today, when the long-awaited statue of General Augusto Pinochet was unveiled and dedicated. In the citation, read by Lady Thatcher looking radiant in the traditional black robes of Vlad the Impaler, honoured the man as a "great humanitarian, someone who spoke out for privileged and powerful human beings everywhere and strove endlessly to ensure that such people should be allowed to maim, torture and imprison anyone they wanted, without the unnecessary interference of bleeding-heart liberals who see such activities as some sort of crime".

The ceremony, which took place after sunset out of respect for Lady Thatcher's medical condition, was attended by many other blood-sucking vampires international politicians who dreamed of being dictators knew him in life. A crowd of 1 well-wisher watched as the 20-metre statue, carved from the bones of Chilean dissidents (as Lady Thatcher so elegantly put it, "it serves them right"), was unveiled amidst the spotlights which will illuminate it 24 hours a day.

The new statue completes Lady Thatcher's long-standing project to honour the great leaders of the 20^th century — Adolph Hitler, Augusto Pinochet and Margaret Thatcher — with statues in London's premier square.

Prosecution Halted

In other news, the Attorney General has announced that the prosecution of all the companies involved in the so-called "bodies for cash" case because further action would be detrimental to the wider-public good and national and international security. Scotland Yard's Murder Squad have been investigating allegations that several large companies had been paying members of the British and other, unspecified, foreign governments for large numbers of human corpses which were used to provide replacement organs for senior business and political figures. It was furher alleged that the bodies had been derived from the wholesale mass-slaughter of civilians and not, as the companies' supporters claim, natural wastage.

Speaking in the House of Commons, the Attorney General said that, despite rumours to the contrary, the decision to halt the investigation had nothing to do with supposed threats by the companies to move their business elsewhere in the world and drop biological weapons on most of Britain. The decision was, he said, taken entirely on the sane and rational grounds that further investigation would harm the security of Great Britain and the international community as a whole and make it impossible for him to get a new heart.

A spokesman for the companies involved welcomed the withdrawal of the investigation, saying, "this investigation was never in the interests of the companies, its withdrawal will allow them to get back to carrying out their day-to-day activities of ignoring the rule of law completely and doing what the hell they like".

related news: "Dictator Slays Millions In Last-Minute Push To Be Time's Man Of The Year"
and "'National interest' halts arms corruption inquiry"
and "Congratulations are in order"
At least one of the above stories is true.