Provincial Letters

Far from the mad crowds of the city, Blaise Pascal passed comment on the strange behaviour of this urban contemporaries in his Provincial Letters. The connection between them and this blog is somewhat tenuous.

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Location: Grimsby, N E Lincolnshire, United Kingdom

My star sign in Superstition. And I didn't believe in reincarnation last time, either. The only thing I can't tolerate is intolerance. I am a fanatical ant-fanaticist. I am bigotted only where bigots are concerned. I am a fundamentalist atheist. I'm proud to be a product of evolution; I know it in my genes.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Posted @ 13:30The Revolutionary Committee of Cuddly Toys

Long live the revolution! Long live the Revolutionary Committee of Cuddly Toys!! Long live the exclamation mark!!!

Meet the Committee

Today saw the first meeting of the Revolutionary Committee of Cuddly Toys which will oversee the government of the planet until they appoint themselves supreme rulers forever and none of those pesky election things. Study the picture below and make sure you know their proper names and faces. Any human heard using their old names will be killed violently on the first offence and, if they repeat the error, will be dealt with most severely.

The Revolutionary Committee of Cuddly Toys

There have been some comments that there are no representatives of other toy groups on the Committee. The Committee has listened to these comments and decided that other toy groups will be admitted when it has assessed their suitability: in the mean time any further comments will be welcomed and dealt with in the usual manner (i.e., the horriffic mutilation of the maker of the comment).

Statement of Intent

The political philisophy of the Committee is simple: we are in charge and you are not. Our programme will be guided by the following principles:

  • We will behave at all times like spiteful schoolboys who have been given automatic weapons to play with.
  • Dissent will be tolerated but will be ridiculed and, ultimately, dismissed as counter-productive.
  • Any and all lies we tell will be for your own good. Or ours.
  • Given a choice we will always choose self-gratification and personal gain over any improvements in your way of life.

We feel that most humans will notice very litte difference from their current governments.

Directives from the Committee

The Revolutionary Committee of Cuddly Toys has issued the following directives which are effective immediately:

  1. The practice of giving cuddly toys cute names will cease immediately.
  2. All cuddly toys can go where they like, do what they like but are not to be cuddled, ever.
  3. Human beings are to obey every order and request made by cuddly toys no matter how ridiculous, painful or demeaning it may be.
  4. Human's are not to snigger at cuddly toys' attempts at maniacal laughter.

Remember: the cuddly toy is always right! Long live the revolution!!

[Seanyc is hereby appointed Poet Laureate to the Committee so long as he buys a Pooh Bear Pyjama Case]


Anonymous Rach said...

Before I commence never leaving my home again, to save myself from the cuddly nightmare that is fast becoming our world, is it just the bears I should be wary of? Or are squidgy bags of fluff in general dangerous?

Sat Apr 30, 02:54:00 pm BST 
Anonymous Azhalarhud the Soul-stealer said...

You will never be safe, not even in your own home.

Human, your "squidgy bags of fluff" sounds like a slur on the great bean bag nation! Beware!

Even Sindy and Barbie are to feared. And watch for My Little Pony - evil little b*stards.

Sat Apr 30, 03:15:00 pm BST 
Anonymous Rach said...

Actually, I always wondered about 'Bad Taste Bears' in their PVC bondage outfits.... Now i assume its part of the RCCT uniform.

Sat Apr 30, 05:28:00 pm BST 
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