Posted @ 02:00An Audience With Audiences

The following interviews have been conducted over a number of years by listening to other people's conversations, observing their behaviour and hearing second-hand reports. The actual words are made up.

___________

What do you think of live music in pubs?
Don't mind it, so long as they don't expect me to change my normal habits and be quiet and listen or anything. After all it's my local and I can shout at my mates if I want.

But don't the performers find that distracting?
They should learn to ignore it. Or turn the PA up. But not so loud I can't hear my mates.

___________

Do you listen to the performers?
Not really. They don't play any songs that I know. And if they do they don't play them like the records. Except my mate, he's good. I always listen to him and tell everyone else to shut up and listen. Couldn't give a shit about anyone else.

Why not?
I don't know them. And they're boring. If they were any good they wouldn't be playing in this pub, they'd have a record deal and be playing big stadiums. Or on telly.

But doesn't everyone have to start somewhere?
Yeah, I suppose so. But they're boring. Not like my mate, he does Keane and Cold Play and Oasis and stuff. He sounds great with backing tapes. He should be on X-Factor, he should.

___________

Do you think the audience should be courteous to performers?
What do you mean?

Well, allow them to perform without deliberately trying to distract them, for example
Oh, you mean, like not walking in front of them while they're playing and stuff. That's just a bit of fun. If they can't take it, they shouldn't be doing it.

Do you like live music in pubs?
Yeah, so long as it's just in the background and I can talk about football while it's on. And they let us watch football. And stop the music when the football's on.

___________

What would you say to someone who got upset with the behaviour of an audience?
I tell the to shut the fuck up, it's a public place and I can do what I like.

Do you always behave like that in the pub?
Yeah, when there's people playing music I do.

An why do you do that?
'Cos it winds up the prats who are performing.

___________

Why do you have such loud conversations when other people are performing?
I'm only interested in doing my bit and drinking.

Do you like any of the other performers?
Yeah, some of them. I listen to them, sometimes. And shout jokes at them. It's all part of the fun. The others are just idiots or pretentious prats who don't do stuff I like.

The above are based on real events. I've only added words to make my point. I make no other comment.